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A purse for girls that don't like purses

I don't know about the rest of you females, but I don't like purses. I hate the word for it; I can't stand the ones with straps and flaps and 17 thousand different nooks and crannies. Worst of all, why would anyone spend more than $200 on an ensemble of leather, faux gold, and some pockets to hold a wallet and some chapstick? Even if I could afford a $500 bag, or if my daddy dropped thousands of dollars on my wardrobe, I still would never spend that much money on a purse.

And yet, I need one. Have you seen ladies' jeans lately? I don't even know why they bother including pockets. They're only helpful if you need to hold a breath mint or a few quarters. Thus, us anti-purse advocates are forced to purchase the almighty accessory: the woman's bag.

You can imagine that finding a purse that fits my aesthetic, utility, and fiscal requirements can be a tricky endeavor. Unlike other things, the smaller the better. I need classy, monochromatic, and earth tones. Don't expect to see me with some hot pink bag by Kathy Van Zeeland from T.J. Maxx:


Also, the strap needs to at least go comfortably over the shoulder, but I prefer it to go across the body. When you find an across the body bag, you forget you're even wearing a purse. I enjoy Longchamps very much, but I can't stand owning the same clothing item that every 20-something female has (just like in 4th grade, when everyone said their favorite food was pizza, I refused to like pizza). I already have a Longchamps in black anyways, and I would never purchase one in the US since they have a markup of about 100%.

Luckily, I discovered/remembered that Urban Outfitters can be a great source for all things classy, hipster, stylish, and relatively cheap. And I found this guy:

As we say in French, she's adorable. Unique yet classy, casual and formal, and she's got a removeable and adjustable shoulder strap!! Exciting, I know. So for the rest of you ladies who hang with the dudes and cringe when the P (urse) word is mentioned, head to Urban for some affordable accessorizing. But don't get the same one as me. Or I'll kill you.
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Yes, we can. Despite Republic efforts to thwart all progress.

My mother sent me a text message this morning following the State of the Union address last night. She was quoting my grandmother:

"Republicans aren't creative and never really come up with any ideas--just criticisms. The Democrats are the idea group and always have been. It's just that simple. The brains of each party reflect that."

I couldn't agree more. As much as I try to stray from any bias for Democrats or against Republicans since bipartisanship always seems to stall progression instead of promote growth, I get the feeling that Republicans enjoy criticizing Democrats far more than the reverse situation. I mean, much of the party wouldn't even stand to applaud the president after making a strong statement or valid point. I don't understand why the government can't work together to find a solution instead of always hacking away at each other's ideas. We are the United States after all.

For example, Obama didn't stand up there all night dissing the House's attempt to repeal the health care reform bill. Instead, he invited any suggestions and asked everyone to work together to fix it:

"As we speak, this law is making prescription drugs cheaper for seniors and giving uninsured students a chance to stay on their parents' coverage. So instead of re-fighting the battles of the last two years, let's fix what needs fixing and move forward."

I don't mean to directly point any fingers. I'm just telling it like it is. The Republican party seems to think that the entire health care reform bill is just wrong or negative. They want to erase whatever progress we have made, instead of fixing what already exists. They need to accept that the US will never be a one-way government, and as Obama stated, do we really want to live under a regime that is constantly dictating only one opinion? Or should we embrace the constant debate and encourage the parties to find compromise and solution as a partnership?

Also, they need to find better orators. I'm sorry, but Paul Ryan and Michele Bachmann were just awkward and bizarre. Not to mention, they were far from exuding inspiration or intelligence.

"It is because of our people that our future is hopeful, our journey goes forward, and the state of our union is strong."
--Our Prez, B.O.

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Mouth to Mouth

So my grandfather, shown here in the middle with my dad and my uncle,

is a sneaky silver fox who makes occasional humorous references to drugs and/or women. He's not one of those older folks who blurts out dirty words or inspires me to create a twitter page about the stuff he says, but every now and then he'll say something that definitely turns heads. And in my household, coming up with something that actually sparks shock and awe is a nearly impossible feat.

This winter, my dad decided to coach the freshman girl's basketball team at my high school. He had to take a CPR course in order to be certified and alerted us at dinner afterward that apparently you are no longer required/recommended to give mouth to mouth resuscitation. We all hummed, hawed, and nodded, while my grandfather frowned and said, "Oh...that's a shame." He is, afterall, French.
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"Boogy Wipe" -- Fitting Name

I'm sure you're all aware of the devastating loss that the NE Patriots suffered at the hands feet of Rex Ryan and his foot soldiers (Sorry, couldn't help myself). However, the fact that the Jets enjoy wiping their snotty boogers on each other while their head coach gets off to his wife's stinky feet makes the loss much more bearable. And of course, they lost on Sunday. So there.

This reminds me of that ole Harvard-Yale joke, go Bulldogs!

A Harvard man and a Yale man are at the urinal. They finish and zip up. The Harvard man proceeds to the sink to wash his hands, while the Yale man immediately makes for the exit.
The Harvard man says, "At Harvard they teach us to wash our hands after we urinate."
The Yale man replies, "At Yale they teach us not to piss on our hands."

                      --Courtesy of Bits & Pieces Blog

Maybe next year Tom Tom. In the meantime, can you not wear your hair like Justin Bieber? 

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Cooking for Men 101: Include Bacon.

"Do you want to cook dinner with another couple this Saturday?"

How annoying does that sound? Does that remind anyone else of the stereotypical boring marriage that us Americans face in our 30's? Trust me, I tried to phrase it differently in order to avoid feeling like I just asked him to pick out window treatments. After all, I'm kind of like a dude myself. I don't want to spend hours poring over interior design magazines anymore than the average guy does. Do not fear the double dinner date, however, at least with me or one of my closest friends by your side. It does not consist of us standing in our oxford shirts with our glasses of pinot grigio eloquently discussing the latest book review or independent film. It's more like us rolling around the kitchen floor laughing over expletives and dirty jokes. Try to embrace a more French approach to life and relationships. And cook, really, really good food.

As for a recipe, I grabbed one of off smittenkitchen.com. We made the pizza with bacon, onions, and sour cream:


Serves 4
1/2 pound pizza dough
Olive oil, for oiling baking sheets
1/2 cup fromage blanc or ricotta
1/2 cup crème fraîche or sour cream
1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
Salt and freshly ground pepper
1/4 pound thickly sliced smoky bacon, 
cut crosswise into 1/4-inch strips
1 medium onion, thinly sliced

Preheat oven to 450°F. In a medium skillet, cook the 
bacon over medium heat until the fat is rendered and the 
bacon crisps up. Remove with a slotted spoon and drain 
on paper towels. Add onion to skillet and cook until 
softened and beginning to caramelize.

Whisk together fromage blanc and crème fraîche with flour,
then season with salt and freshly ground black pepper.

Divide the dough into 4 pieces. Roll each piece out to a 
ough 8-inch round, about 1/8 inch thick. If the dough becomes 
difficult to roll, let it rest for 10 minutes, then continue.

Oil two large baking sheets. Transfer two dough rounds to each. 
Spread the fromage blanc mixture over the rounds to within 
1/4 inch of the edge. Sprinkle with the bacon and onion. 
Bake on the bottom shelf of the oven for about 12 minutes, 
or until the crust is golden brown. Cut into wedges and serve.

It turned out pretty well, and I would definitely recommend whipping it up for dinner, but here are some tips to make it a tad tastier:

 1. Be generous with the cream (That's what she said). The recipe calls for a half cup of ricotta and a half cup of creme fraiche or sour cream, but to be honest, it tasted rather bland. Some of us ending up adding extra sour cream and Sriracha hot sauce.
2. To help with the dry taste due to the lack of cream, thin out the crust a bit more. I think a thinner crust would definitely help make the pizza taste like pizza and less like the dough we bought.
3. Maybe throw some tomatoes in there, or whatever else you like. Again, without a red sauce, a thick dough and a light smattering of sauce can be a bit too mild. Spice it up with food items from the red and orange department, like hot sauce, tomatoes, peppers, etc.

Serve with lots of beer and Mochi Japanese ice cream dough balls. Enjoy!
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The family dog, Tilla,

enjoys human food, eating feminine hygiene products, and leaving a small amount of her feces along the hair that lines her butt. She also gets her "monthly visit" (which is actually bi-annual for dogs) in small spots all over the hardwood floors in the house. We think she may suffer from some mental issues, too. Nevertheless, we love her dearly and enjoy chasing her around as a family. I'm not exaggerating. The entire family actually runs around the house together in an effort to rile up the dog. There's a lot of screaming involved.

One particular recent memory involving Tilla took place around Thanksgiving of last year. I returned home and dragged my belongings upstairs to get settled. My room has been in a state of disarray for some time now, as I have moved several times and made multiple major life changing decisions including going to France and coming home a month later (you're welcome for the phone bill, Mom). I immediately began an attempt to tidy up, and pulled my laundry basket away from the wall to throw some clothes in it. To my surprise, I found that the bottom half of my curtain was smeared in dog shit and was hidden behind the laundry basket. Exhibit B:

Hoping it was chocolate, but knowing fully that there was no way in hell that the stain was anything but Tilla's poop, I screamed in disgust and refused to touch it for a day or so despite my mother's best attempts to get me to clean it up. I finally threw it in the wash towards the end of the weekend; I'm sure there are still poop particles floating around in our washing machine.
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Don't call it a comeback, they been here for years

Don't worry. I won't constantly reference legendary rap songs in every post including my blog's title. Just had to on this guy.

A true must-have for every hipster across the nation, and of course all us Amer-Euro hybrids. The P.F. Flyers Center Hi Double Tongue, in White.

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I've decided to branch out from my e-life as an anonymous blogger (try finding it, I dare you) in order to encompass more aspects and interests of my multifaceted life. I plan on incorporating:

1. The lovely discourse that escape the mouths of my immediate family members.
2. Any riveting new songs or artists I encounter and movie reviews of the horrendous film production that is Hollywood (That's harsh...there are a few good men out there).
3. Advice, because I'm perfect. And no, I'm not being serious. But my parents have raised me well, and its more like I'm passing on their advice for everyone else to play with.  Target: girls who act like girls, and guys who think with the wrong half of their body far too often.
4. Stories. Ohhh, stories. This is where I'll tie in my former blog, RIP.
5. Literature, grammar, vocabulary...for those of you that can read things printed on paper. Yes, it still exists.
6. Recipes that are both healthy and tasty. I'm French. We have to cook. 
7. Fashion, but don't expect much. I'm definitely missing half that gene in my female genetic makeup.
8. Sports, cause every girl's gotta know sports to impress guys. Alright, maybe some of them actually spark interest, but c'mon ladies. We all know we don't actually enjoy watching baseball. And if you do, you're a freak. 

This may not be one of those blogs that zeroes in on only one hobby or subject, but that's because I'm not  narrow minded. This is more of a smorgasbord of my mind, and what a complex entity that thing is (I mean, have you seen the size of my head?). It has a little something for everyone. I've toned down my blogging jargon as to not offend offend fewer people, and I hope it just might brighten everyone's day. Haha. I'm just f-ing with you. I don't care if it affects you positively or not, but if it doesn't give you a laugh or two, you clearly weren't born with a sense of humor. Not my problem.

Bon appetit!