Please stop posting the most intimate details of your life.

Because I don't care. And I guarantee that 95% of your Facebook "friends" don't give two shits either. Actually, I take that back. I am willing to bet that even your so-called best friend wants you to shut the hell up. Sure, we all over-share a tad here and there. It's the repeat offenders I'm thinking of. The one's who still have pages riddled with smiley faces and kissy pictures with their significant others. No offense to those of you I actually like as friends, but isn't that kind of sophomoric? Or maybe even high schoolic? Even though that's not even a word?

Here's a good test. Go on a friend's fb home page for a few minutes. Examine which of their friends are monopolizing their newsfeed, and with what kind of posts. Do you find your name to be a recurring theme? Do you feel agitated by your own actions? Maybe not, cause you're most likely oblivious to the fact that you of all people could be considered annoying, but you are. And I don't want to see a picture of the sock you bought for your dad down the street. I'm glad you think your life is thrilling, but the rest of us don't agree. A friend of mine had an interesting remark about how the 'book has transformed our behaviors into these secondary reactions to what we could potentially post on facebook. One might feel more prompted to snap a photo at Sally's birthday last weekend just to feel in line with the desire to be constantly uploading one's life. God forbid you only share the moment with the three or four close friends who were actually there.

I think we should all go back through the unfriending process. If you haven't done it before, you're either oblivious, lazy, or insecure about watching your friend count dwindle. Unfriending makes the social network slightly more authentic because you won't be showing pictures of you and your boyfriend half naked in bed to a kid you met once in bio freshman year. I know I am guilty of an overshare every now and then as well--but after freshman year I realized it really wasn't interesting anymore. If you have enough time to like and comment on 189 different wall posts and statuses, you clearly need to look into a part time job. And if you're thinking about putting something up? Refrain. Unless it's funny or actually intelligent (and please, please, PLEASE don't spell anything wrong), don't bother. You're wasting my time while I'm wasting my time, on this coveted virtual network we call Facebook.


Costa Kapothanasis | August 4, 2011 at 11:36 PM

You should get paid to write these.

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